Emigrated (by Joe)

I can happily reassure everyone that contrary to popular suspicions, Smiths crisps did not die out - they quietly emigrated to Australia where they appear to be doing very well.

Joe

Culture shock (by Joe)

After a total of nearly 5 months in India and south east Asia, we suffered considerable culture shock on touching down in Sydney.

We were caught off-guard by cars reliably stopping for us on zebra crossings; in wonder at being able to drink water straight from taps; spooked by joggers running up behind us on pavements and in parks; shocked at the lack of mopeds around town; and deeply unnerved by the general sense of orderliness everywhere we went.

Boggled by the great technical and social achievements in the securely democratic world, we did like the Romans, and sought solace in food and alcohol.

In our first 36 hours in Sydney, we consumed:

- 9 x cafe lattes
- 2 x full cream iced coffees
- 1 x all in fried breakfast
- 5 x bananas
- 5 x large toasted falafal sandwiches (1 with extra chicken breast and one with lamb burger)
- $25 x fine cheese
- 2 x packets of crisps (extra value family size)
- 1 x packet of rice cakes
- 1 x packet of mixed nuts
- 1 x packet of lebanese flat bread (8 slices)
- 2 x spinach, feta and olive pizzas (small)
- 4 x diet cokes
- 1 x supermarket fruit salad
- 2 x large choc chip cookies
- 1 x turkish pida pizza (chicken and pineapple)
- 3 x bottles + 7 x glasses of Sauvignon Blanc
- 8 x pints of lager
- 1 x portion of chips

(... and two sachets of ketchup)

All this didn't come cheap. In our first two days in Sydney, we spent as much as we spent in our final 10 days in Thailand. Great days, nonetheless!

Below - Laura completing the 36-hour consumption session (with a strong push to the finish tape). P.S. She confirmed I could use the pic!

Joe

Nice, Sydney (by Joe)

Very nice Sydney - we've been very impressed on our whirlwind three-day sight-seeing tour. We expected to like it, but it really does have a nice feel.

We've enjoyed the large Botanical Gardens to picnic in overlooking the harbour (please DO walk on the grass - see left); plenty of good shopping; nicely done skyscrapers in the central business district integrated smartly alongside a surprising number of well-maintained old terraces and buildings (see below/ right); and good beaches only half an hour out of town.

To top it all there's the fantastic Sydney harbour, constantly full of sail- and speed-boats (see top).

There are also excellent restaurants - a real mix of cuisines; lots of nice bars; and very good nightlife scene.

Sydney is also home to a large gay community, which, in my book, gives it in parts that feeling of trendy, well-to-do pink-pound liberalism that you find in, say, Brighton.

In fact, with that, steep hills across the city, the harbour and bridge, the whole place has reminded me very much of San Francisco (... er, not that I've ever actually been to San Francisco!)

We're only staying a few days, but we've liked it very much.

Joe

Room A22 (by Joe and Laura)

A remarkable coincidence on our return to Bangkok has given the south east Asia section of this trip a spooky twist.

By design, we booked into the same Guesthouse in Bangkok as we'd stayed the first time we arrived. By coincidence our arrival happened to be exactly three months to the day since we first landed from India - and by amazing chance, in a guest house of over 100 rooms, we were once again handed the key to room A22.

That would have been OK, other than when we woke up this morning after a suspiciously deep sleep, memories of the past 3 months took on a weird, dreamy deja-vu sort of feel: 'did we really do all that?', we wondered, 'or were we perhaps drugged and implanted with false memories whilst our metabolic energies were used to help power the Thai national grid for 3 months ? (a bit like in The Matrix)'.

Thankfully after a couple of coffees and a few stern words from Laura, we agreed we were pretty sure we did actually do it all.

Proceeding on that assumption, materially the three months cost a few thousand dollars, and other than a Beerlao t-shirt, a new washbag and a couple of new bedspreads (currently on a boat somewhere between here and home, we hope) we have little to show for it. But of course it's about the memories and experiences.

To wrap up south east Asia, we've put together a brief 'highlights/ 'favourites' package which, with apologies, may prove to be rather more meaningful for us in years to come than it is interesting for anyone else.

Anyway, here we go (assuming this did all take place, and I still have my doubts, frankly ...)

Favourites:

Favourite country:

Joe - Thailand (beautiful coastline and beaches in the south, comfortable accommodation and friendly people)

Laura - Laos (untouched landscapes, great food, incredibly warm people)

Favourite town or region:

Both - Southern Thailand coastline and islands (beautiful beaches, amazing limestone scenery and incredible sea-life in clear waters)

Most memorable journey:

Joe - Houaxyai to Louang Namtha, north Laos (unfinished dirt road for 8 hours, culminating in passengers having to pull the bus up a particularly steep hill tug-of-war style - see right)

Laura - Pai to Mae Hong Son (rolling hills, misty limestone karst, clear air)

Favourite accommodation:

Joe - Star Beach Bungalows, Chang island, Gulf of Thailand (very friendly staff, deeply chilled out with suitably shabby beach shack bar/ restaurant)

Laura - Thavisouk bungalows, Vang Vieng (perfect location, perfect views of the karsts and the river, best shower in South East Asia)

Most chilled place:

Joe - Phayam island, the Andaman coast, Thailand (beautiful 3km stretch of beach with very little development and friendly chilled-out bungalow accomodation at 'Smile Hut'. See Mr Smile - left)

Laura - I have to agree (see 'Biggest bum on the beach' blog)

Favourite sight/ attraction:

Joe - Monks with umbrellas, Louang Phabang, Laos (the wonderful orange robes provided a touch of magic all around this beautiful city - see right/ below).

Laura - Limestone karst (in Halong Bay, Vietnam; Pang Mapha region, north Thailand; Vang Vieng, Laos; Phang Nga, peninsula Thailand)

Favourite meal:

Joe - PAD HED and mashed potato, Cruise bar and restaurant, Tao island, Gulf of Thailand (simply: top notch pie)

Laura - Papaya salad wherever I could get my hands on it, the spicier the better

Spot for a drink:

Joe - Roof terrace, the Foreign Correspondents' Club, Phnom Penh (a safe expat oasis with views over a lawless city)

Laura - Panyee stilt village, Phang Nga bay (very still, deep ocean under your feet, surrounded by limestone cliffs - the fact that it was a Muslim village meant that there was no booze available, but it would have been the perfect place for a sun-downer)

Activity/ day trip:

Both - Snorkeling, Tao island, Gulf of Thailand (awesome introduction to a fascinating world of coral and tropical fish - see above/ left - Laura emerging from a dive)

Award for outstanding natural beauty:

Joe - Phang Nga Bay, Andaman coast Thailand (stunning limestone karsts rising out of clear turquoise waters - see right)

Laura - Halong Bay, Vietnam (very eerie, very beautiful, even on a grey day)

Sunset:

Joe - Si Phan Don (4000 island region), southern Laos (see left/ below):

Laura - No competition

Stars:

Both - Trekking from Louang Namtha, northern Laos (incredibly bright stars and constellations above the dark jungle canopy on no-moon night)

... off to the airport now.

Joe and Laura

Grockles (by Joe)

The Thai islands are outstandingly beautiful, cheap and a wonderful place to be. But there's a vague, nagging dissatisfaction that keeps surfacing.

It's like this:

In Torquay, south Devon, where my Mum grew up, the locals have a special term for tourists. They call them ‘Grockles’. It’s not exactly a derogatory term, but once you understand it, it’s not exactly a term of endearment either.

Grockles (shoals and shoals of them) arrive in Torquay for the summer season. They crawl all over the countryside; take photos constantly; get lost on the moors; ask directions to the model village; make it impossible to get to Exeter in less than 3 hours; honestly don’t realise they have to pay to use the deckchairs; make a mess with their ice-cream; and time and again walk through your restaurant in wet swimming trunks with sandy feet (despite the sign).

Individually, they can be polite and generous; collectively, they spend lots of money and account for a large part of the locals’ wealth – they are a necessary nuisance to be welcomed as warmly as possible, perhaps chatted with over a drink and helped out where required (for no immediate personal gain).

But they remain outsiders, not seriously to be taken in or embraced beyond a certain casual friendliness. It’s just not worth it, because the bottom line with Grockles is that smart or stupid, likeable or unpleasant, they come, they stay a while and then – invariably – they go.

Hanging out for the best part of a month in the Thai islands brought the term back to mind. It is beautiful here, the beaches are wonderful, prices cheap, weather fantastic and people very warm.

Yet however long you stay and however many people you meet, that vague, nagging dissatisfaction keeps coming back to you – we’re all just Grockles here, you see.

Pics: Top: Grockles arriving in Koh Tao/ Below: Grockles leaving Koh Tao:


Joe

Tanned (by Joe)

After a month in the south of Thailand, I’m tanned – more tanned than I’ve ever been, I reckon.

Here’s a mildly pornographic pic to illustrate (left)

P.S. Mum and Dad should note the ‘tattoo’ is just a henna print and will wash off in a week or two ...

... and at least I’m brushing my teeth!

Joe

Pace of change (by Joe)

Those coming to Thailand for the classic traveller experience and to discover untouched natural beauty are likely to be disappointed, I'm afraid.

It may only be 10 - 15 years since islands such as Koh Samui and Koh Chang got 24/7 electricity, but since then they have changed and developed at incredible pace.

Take the graph (below) which we put together for the small diving island Koh Tao (data from a reliable local tourist map). It shows that less than 20 years ago there were only 41 tourist rooms on the island; 10 years ago there were just over 1000; now there are well over 3000 - and the rate of growth continues to increase.

Intelligent development (see top) and recognition of the need to retain the natural beauty which attracted tourists in the first place ensures that it remains a great place to visit (... and it is!).

... and of course it's all good news for the local economy and local people (good luck to them); but for those seeking the classic traveller experience, you suspect that Thailand just ain't what it used to be ...

Joe

Asian Fusion (by Joe)

It took me a while to get to grips, but I'm now really starting to develop a genuine appreciation of the magical subtleties of South East Asian cuisine.

My current favourite is a PAD HED. It brings together a base of seafood, chicken or pork (I prefer chicken), with mushroom, lemon-grass, garlic and onion, all held together by a gravy-type sauce, which invariably provides a genuine - yet palatable - hint of the local blended spices (see below):

I actually like it best with a large plate of mashed potato (see below):

Simply pour the aforementioned PAD HED smotheringly over the forked-out spud-mound ... 'et voila!' (see below):

Doubtless Giles Coren, The Times' food critic (and shameless, jumped-up exploiter of nepotism) would describe this as '... a legitimate, if charmingly straightforward, expression of Asian Fusion'.


... I call it right nice pie:


Joe

Shack watching (by Joe)

We never did the shack watching trip (not our idea of fun, really - see left).

However, we did sign up for another trip which promised to take us swimming with sharks. With a combined total of 14 years experience working the London media and advertising industries, we felt this should hold no fears for us.

So, for the second time in a few days, we enjoyed a terrific snorkeling trip from Koh Tao, a Thai island famed for its diving.

We saw much wonderful coral, thousands of brightly coloured tropical fish and met some smashing people. However, though we saw a Barracuda (we think), there were absolutely no sharks to be seen anywhere. They had all vanished, apparently - disappeared 'miraculously' according to the tour guide.

Rather than put him down as telling a fisherman's tale (or in this case a tour guide's), we decided it was actually no great surprise: Laura pointed out that as a fully trained and qualified media auditor, she often finds that all the sharks have disappeared 'miraculously' when she goes looking for them.

Joe

Winter warmer (by Joe)

To help our London friends and family through the long dark winter nights, I thought I'd put up some pics of what the weather's like here in mid-February.

To cheer you up, you see?:

So, be happy ...

Joe

What lies beneath (by Laura)

Ko Tao, an island on the east coast of the Thai peninsula, is world famous for its snorkelling and diving. The coves are rocky and small providing the perfect home for spectacular coral, fish and other marine life.

There is no shortage of trips making their way around the island and it's the perfect way to get your bearing of the beaches as well as sample what goes on just inches beneath the surface.

Putting on a mask and floating on the surface is entering another world. The colour of coral and the number and variety of fish is truly breathtaking.

Everyone is also great friends underwater - you smile and wave furiously at people who previously had just sat opposite you anonymously on the boat.

I floated for a while (for all I know five minutes or half an hour) above a coral reef called the Japanese gardens, in awe whilst fish of vibrant blues, purples and pinks approached me, stared in at the mask and then went on their way. As time went on, they were becoming more friendly, coming closer to me and I congratulated myself on my ability to remain so still and blend in so happily.

The next thing I knew, what I now consider to be the leader of an organised criminal underwater gang, shot up from the deep and nipped what I felt was a small chunk out of my lower lip.

The big cumbersome target, with truly shocking underwater freestyle, flapped clumsily to shore, thoroughly put in her place (see top). Not quite the little mermaid after all.


Laura

Biggest bum on the beach? (by Laura)

The beaches of Thailand attract their fair share of beach babes, whose ranks I could never aspire to join. However I do feel now that I may now qualify for the other much-coveted honour of beach bum (top).

At home I'm notoriously bad at sitting still, always making schemes, popping in and out, generally flapping around. However, whether inspired by the island's affecting lilt or by the very excellent example set by Joe, I managed to spend a full week on Ko Phayam (on the Andaman coast of Thailand) barely moving outside 100 metre radius of our bungalow (seaview - left).

And it was a revelation.

Reading more than I have since university, pondering mundane trivialities, people-watching, idling in conversations and with the odd bit of beach frisbee thrown in just to spice things up a bit.

The need to do anything truly constructive gradually dissipated as the week went on, though every now and then I might lurch out of the hammock with a thought, before forgetting in the next minute what it was and sinking back down again.

Perhaps not what many would consider to be that noteworthy, but in my book, a truly remarkable achievement.

Laura

Room with a view (by Joe)

Blinkin' 'eck: travelling the southern Thai beaches and coastlines you see an incredible quality and quantity of natural beauty - perhaps too much?

Turquoise waters, palm trees, white sands and bright flowers all bathed in bright tropical sunlight. But after a month in the south, we've been exposed to so such incredible natural beauty that I've lost the plot.

Arriving in a quiet family resort in the north of Phangan island a week or so ago, we were offered this accommodation (see left) with a balcony with the view at the top of this blog (see top).

Hearing that it was available for 300 baht a night (just under 5 UK pounds), I turned to Laura and said - without any intended irony:

"Bah! ... call that a sea view !?! ... this place is well overpriced."

It put us in mind of the Fawlty Towers sketch with the demanding deaf woman who complains about the view from her room and Basil Fawlty says: "You can see the sea; it's there, between the land and the sky .... what did you expect to see from a Torquay hotel window? ... the hanging gardens of Babylon?! ... herds of Wilder-beast sweeping majestically across the plains?!?"

Too much sand, sea and sun: I'm clearly losing the plot (the doctor would almost certainly prescribe a week or two in west London).

Joe

Had Rin freshers' fair (by Joe)

One of the big draws on the Thai islands are the full and half-moon parties at Had Rin, a 1km stretch of white sand at the very south of Phangan island in the Gulf of Thailand.

Reputed by guide books and word of mouth to be one of world's biggest, wildest and most hedonistic-liberal parties, we, like many others, went along to have a look (at least a look!).

We saw (and heard) some incredible two-storey sound system beach huts banging out tunes along the beachfront (see top); we saw fire eaters, acrobats and jugglers.

Yet for us the whole event fell well short of its billing. At close inspection the party crowd comprised almost entirely white middle-class gap year students wearing silly hats and drinking buckets of vodka-redbull coupled with people like us: voyeuristic middle-agers coming along principally to watch the promised mayhem.

In the end the atmosphere resembled the just-left-home must-try-hard insecurities of a fresher's fair party at a top 20 University in the UK , US or Australia.

There are various reasons for it. The government has cracked down on the extremities so the hard-core party people have moved on (to Serendepity Beach, Sihanoukville, Cambodia to be precise); a conservative mentality of cash-cow commercialism has long since taken over from genuine liberalism amongst the locals; and - like much in Thailand - it has simply grown over-ripe: just another box to tick on the south east Asian tourist trail.

We had a good time nonetheless: several red-bull buckets and the blaring beats kept us going till 4.30 am one night and 2.30 the next. Not a bad effort for 30-somethings, we felt.

The beach and bay were also naturally very beautiful and we found a nice hut for accommodation on a cliff above the bay with a warm sea breeze and a stunning double aspect view (see right - Laura on the balcony overlooking Had Rin).

So good times in the end, but a world away from the wild and lawless hedonistic experience we had been promised ... and were looking forward to!

Joe

Night markets (by Joe)

Nearly every town we've visited across South East Asia has had a night market. These set up along the streets in late afternoon as the days cool, and carry on late into the night.

They can be a bit touristy in places, but are often more 'genuine' and - regardless - are always a hub of activity selling clothes, food, ornaments and lots of other stuff. They're also social hubs and a really nice feature of the area.

You tend to come across a lot of good-natured haggling, and the atmosphere usually puts you in mind of the build up to Christmas in the UK: busy shopping in dark afternoons and evenings, though here of course it all takes place in warm evening air.

Night markets have been a real challenge for an amateur photographer - a flash just obliterates the atmosphere so (given the lack of the light) you need to do long exposures - and these are tricky: get it wrong and the whole thing is a jumbled mess; but get it right and the movement can (just about) bring out something of the atmosphere and sense of dynamism.

Here's a few of the better ones (top two, Krabi, southern Thailand; bottom three Loaung Phabang, central Laos):

Joe

Preparing to face the Aussies (by Joe)

With only a week to go before we leave Thailand and arrive in Australia I was delighted (and frankly, deeply relieved) to hear of the England cricket team's glorious victory in the one-day series finals against Australia.

Being deeply cricket-proud, after the 5 - 0 Ashes humiliation I was really (really) not looking forward to getting together with our highly competitive Antipodean cousins for what they would undoubtedly turn into an extended post ashes analysis. So, I'd been steeling myself and planning my lines:

"Great side Australia/ truly great players / how could any side compete/ the team of the era (etc etc)" ... I was going to say. Now I may say simply: "... we may not have kept the Ashes, but 'ave it, mate (and your best players are too old)."

The BBC website (great British institution - greater, I'm sure you'll agree, than Rupert's News International), said:

Following the 2 - 0 loss, Australia captain, Ricky Ponting said:

"We've let everybody down in the last couple of games, we've got work to do but we look forward to the World Cup."

That's right, Ricky. I'm feeling for you - honestly.

Joe

P.S I fully accept that for my personal security I need to calm down before I get to Oz.

Limestoned (by Joe)

As everyone knows, South East Asia has something of a reputation as a magnet for serious stoners ...

Obviously, being middle aged and apparently respectable I’m not referring to the whacky-baccy (though we imagine there may be a bit of that knocking about too); I’m actually talking geology – especially limestone karst formations.

So I can say with a clear conscience that Laura and I have been heavily limestoned all the way around South East Asia.

Here's some pictures (... and they are, like, totally awesome and far out, dude):

(Top three: Phang Nga Bay, south west Thailand, then; HaLong Bay, north Vietnam; Khao Sok National Park, south central Thailand; bottom two - Vang Vieng valley, central Laos).

Joe

Creepy-crawly crunchies (by Joe)

South East Asians sure do an interesting line in snack foods. Whilst Laura has the excuse of being vegetarian I have had to contrive a new rule of thumb to help me justify what I will and won’t eat.

Up until coming here I had only two - albeit longstanding - rules:

a) Don’t eat if it IF you don’t absolutely recognize - or can be otherwise sure of - what it is (this rule tends to exclude a lot of processed meat)

… and:

b) Don’t eat IF it looks like it may have had a reasonable sense of humour (this rule tends to exclude the majority of fish if they haven’t been headed)

South East Asia has forced me to add the new point of:

c) Don’t eat it IF it is just TOO creepy crawly.

At night markets, on street stalls and at bus stations all across south East Asia, we’ve seen some remarkable snacks for sale.

Deep fried tarantula (see top and left), a bag of locusts; ... would you like your salted beetles wrapped or open, sir?

I imagine they may well all be satisfyingly crunchy on the outside with delicious soft centres – but not for me, thanks.

No, really, no thanks.

Joe